Christmas first date ideas that do the small talk for you
Six festive first dates that take the pressure off, and what the research says about why doing something together can beat sitting across a table.
In short
- Doing something new together can bring people closer, according to research on couples.
- A little excitement on a date may even make the person next to you seem more attractive.
- An activity gives you something to talk about, so the conversation doesn't rest on small talk.
- Pick something easy to keep short, and easy to stretch out if it's going well.
We’ve all heard the term “cuffing season”, and well, it’s officially upon us! But what actually is cuffing season? I’d describe it as that time of year when the days get a little darker, the weather gets a little colder, and suddenly we’re all craving someone to snuggle up with and enjoy the festive season alongside.
Of course, you can find love at any time of the year, but there’s something about this season that brings a special twinkle to everyone’s eye. Whether it’s the cosy vibes, the Christmas lights or just the magic in the air, it’s the perfect excuse to get out there and make some memories.
So, if you’re looking to embrace cuffing season, here are some festive first date ideas that might just help you secure your boo!
Why doing something beats just sitting down
A first date across a table puts all the pressure on the conversation. Doing something together gives you both something to react to, laugh at and talk about.
There's research behind the idea. In a 2000 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Arthur Aron and colleagues asked couples to take on a new, slightly silly physical challenge while tied together at the wrist and ankle. Couples who did that reported a bigger boost in how they felt about their relationship than couples who did something dull. The study was on couples rather than first dates, but the idea carries over: new experiences shared with someone tend to bring you closer to them.
1. Go ice skating
Holding hands comes with a built-in excuse, and wobbling round the rink together breaks the ice faster than any small talk.
It might help in another way, too. In a famous 1974 study, Donald Dutton and Arthur Aron found that men who met a female researcher on a high, wobbly suspension bridge were more likely to call her afterwards than men who met her on a low, steady one. The idea is that we can mistake a racing heart for attraction. It's a classic that's still debated, and not every study since has found the same thing, but it's a fun one to bear in mind on the ice.
2. Walk the Christmas lights
Grab a hot drink and wander under the lights. Walking side by side means there's no pressure to hold eye contact, pauses feel natural, and there's always something to point at.
As for the hot drink, a well-known 2008 study by Lawrence Williams and John Bargh found that people holding a warm coffee rated a stranger as a warmer person. A larger 2014 attempt to repeat it, led by Dermot Lynott, didn't find the same effect. So the hot chocolate won't do the work for you, but it won't hurt either.
3. Hit a Christmas market
Share a mulled wine, split something cheesy and rate the stalls together. A market is easy to keep short if you're not feeling it, and even easier to stretch out if it's going well.
4. Catch a festive film
Cosy seats, a Christmas classic and a guaranteed debate afterwards. Leave time for a drink once the credits roll, because two hours in the dark doesn't leave much room for getting to know each other. Is Love Actually iconic or overrated? Choose wisely.
5. Book a wreath-making class
Busy hands mean no awkward silences, and it's probably something neither of you has done before, which is exactly the kind of new experience the research points to. You both leave with something to remember the date by, whether or not it's a good memory.
6. Go on a hot chocolate crawl
Pick three cafés and score every hot chocolate out of 10. A bit of friendly competition gives you a running joke for the rest of the date, and moving between places keeps things from going flat.
Keep it safe
Whatever you choose, meet somewhere public, let a friend know where you'll be and plan your own way home. Our dating safety guide has more on meeting someone for the first time.
No festive plus one yet? Create a free profile on Mattr and find someone worth wobbling round the ice rink with.
Sources
- Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C. & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273–284.
- Dutton, D. G. & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510–517.
- Williams, L. E. & Bargh, J. A. (2008). Experiencing physical warmth promotes interpersonal warmth. Science, 322(5901), 606–607.
- Lynott, D., Corker, K. S., Wortman, J., Connell, L., Donnellan, M. B., Lucas, R. E. & O’Brien, K. (2014). Replication of “Experiencing physical warmth promotes interpersonal warmth” by Williams and Bargh (2008). Social Psychology, 45(3), 216–222.