Are icks real?
Our founder Jamie reckons most icks aren't really about the thing that set them off. Here's what that means, and what the research says about why tiny turn-offs can feel so final.
In short
- An ick is a sudden turn-off from something small, like a phrase someone repeats or the way they act in public.
- In a 2025 study, about two in three single adults said they'd had one.
- Some people are more prone to icks than others, so they say a lot about the person feeling them.
- Often the ick isn't the real reason it ended. The spark just wasn't there.
- How someone treats people is worth listening to. A small habit rarely is.
We’ve all heard the classic “What’s your biggest ick?” or “They gave me the ick.” But let’s be so real, just because something is a little cringey, should that really be enough to write someone off?
At Mattr, we think sometimes the infamous “ick” is just a get-out-of-jail-free card when you’re not actually that into someone. We’re all human, and no one is effortlessly cool 24/7. Sometimes we trip, run awkwardly for the bus or do something a little embarrassing, and that’s okay!
Of course, there’s a difference between a harmless ick and a genuine red flag, but we think it’s time to embrace people’s quirks rather than judge them for being human. After all, those little things might just be what makes someone special.
Jamie, Mattr's founder and a regular voice on dating in the press, recently made a short video asking whether icks are real. This is the longer version, with the research behind it.
What is an ick?
Jamie's view is that an ick is really just an annoyance by another name. Everyone gets annoyed by things now and then. That's human nature, and it doesn't stop when you're dating.
The word has taken off on social media, and researchers have started to catch up. In a 2025 study in Personality and Individual Differences, Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders and Chloe Yin looked at TikTok videos tagged #theick, then surveyed 125 single adults. The triggers people described ranged from awkward clothing and annoying phrases to embarrassing behaviour in public, vanity, trying too hard to be on trend, and misogynistic comments.
Icks turned out to be common. 64% of the people surveyed said they'd had one. When it happened, 26% ended things straight away, 42% ended it later, and 32% carried on dating the person anyway. Almost everyone talked to someone else about it, but only a minority told the person who had caused it.
So, are icks real?
The feeling is real enough. What the research suggests is that it depends a lot on who's feeling it. In the same study, people who were more easily disgusted, people higher in narcissism, and people who held others to perfectionist standards were all more likely to get the ick. The perfectionists also got it more often.
We also seem to be wired to notice the bad more than the good. In a 2015 paper in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Peter Jonason and colleagues ran six studies with more than 6,500 people and found that dealbreakers counted for more than dealmakers. One negative could outweigh a positive of the same size.
The dealbreakers that topped their list for long-term relationships weren't small habits, though. They were things like being untrustworthy or uncaring, having anger issues, or poor hygiene. That's the difference between a dealbreaker and an ick.
Is the ick a smokescreen?
This is Jamie's main point. Picking out one specific annoyance to rule someone out is often a cover for the real reason: you just weren't vibing with them enough. Is a small, everyday habit enough on its own to stop seeing someone? Probably not.
The research on attraction backs this up. In a 2017 study in Psychological Science, Samantha Joel, Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel gave speed daters more than 100 questions before they met, then used machine learning to try to predict who would click. It could predict how desirable someone was in general, but not which two people would be drawn to each other. An earlier speed-dating study by Eastwick and Finkel found that what people said they wanted in a partner beforehand didn't match who they were actually attracted to on the night.
Attraction is hard to explain, even to ourselves. When the spark isn't there, a small habit gives us something concrete to point at. The ick researchers make a similar point: an ick might sometimes flag a real mismatch, but it can also become a habit of rejecting people before you've got to know them.
When an ick is worth listening to
Not every ick is petty. If it's about how someone treats you or other people, like a sexist comment or being rude to the person serving you, that's not a small annoyance. Take it seriously.
If it's the way they run for a bus or a word they say a lot, it's worth asking yourself:
- Is this about how they treat people, or just a habit?
- Was I already losing interest before this happened?
- Would it bother me if it was someone I was really into?
Find someone you actually click with on Mattr. Create a free profile and see who you vibe with.
Sources
- Collisson, B., Saunders, E. & Yin, C. (2025). The ick: disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate choice thresholds. Personality and Individual Differences, 238, 113086.
- Jonason, P. K., Garcia, J. R., Webster, G. D., Li, N. P. & Fisher, H. E. (2015). Relationship dealbreakers: traits people avoid in potential mates. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(12), 1697–1711.
- Joel, S., Eastwick, P. W. & Finkel, E. J. (2017). Is romantic desire predictable? Machine learning applied to initial romantic attraction. Psychological Science, 28(10), 1478–1489.
- Eastwick, P. W. & Finkel, E. J. (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245–264.